I want to start my last blog entry today first with something from someone else's blog that really summed up how I have been feeling. I will finish this blog with my own thoughts on the above question.
From Susannah Conway's Blog:
Allowing dreams to manifest without getting in their way
There was a part of me that assumed life would be easier once i survived the grief – that I'd embrace a new life-is-short credo and let go of all my fears, gliding through life feeling the power of survival under my wings. But that didn't happen. Life still felt as difficult as ever, if not more so. But today I realised that I've reached a place where I've let go of some expectations – of what my life should be looking like by now, of what i am capable of doing, of who i could be. I'm starting to embrace what is, and that includes giving my dreams more space to breathe.
I always thought I'd be married with kids by now, that I'd be more successful by now, and more established blah blah blah. What I'm starting to grasp is that this is it – this is my life – so why not have some fun with it? View it as a malleable batch of bread dough and see what shapes i can create. Because no one else is going to do it for me, and, heck, maybe some good stuff will happen. This weekend I made a good start on my book proposal, and in doing so i drop-kicked the whiny but-who-do-i-think-i-am-to-write-a-book out of my third-floor window (if you stand on my street this evening you'll see it gasping its last breaths on the pavement before it fades away forever. Good riddance!)
My part of the deal is to work hard, be committed and have a little faith. And to make room in my life for the good stuff to flow. We are allowed to have our dreams, big and small and everything in between. Think of them like your children, to be protected and nurtured, believed in and encouraged – and when the time is right, you need only get out of their way so they can stretch their wings and fly. ______________________________________________________