Friday, December 31, 2010

My Core Story for 2010--And Maybe Longer!

December 31 – Core Story. What central story is at the core of you, and how do you share it with the world? (Bonus: Consider your reflections from this month. Look through them to discover a thread you may not have noticed until today.)

I want to start my last blog entry today first with something from someone else's blog that really summed up how I have been feeling. I will finish this blog with my own thoughts on the above question.


From Susannah Conway's Blog:

Allowing dreams to manifest without getting in their way

Sometimes we don't believe we are worthy of receiving what we dream of; sometimes we don't believe it could ever happen. Sometimes we are so convinced of our apparent unworthiness we do everything we can to prevent the good stuff entering our lives. We don't do this consciously, of course. I'm slowly learning that all i need to do to help the good stuff manifest is to step out the way, to stop littering the path with my worries and insecurities, and all the endless head-chatter that scares the dream whisps away. In some ways it's easier to sabotage our dreams than help them become reality – that way, when they don't happen we can shrug our shoulders and say, 'see? I knew it. I'm not worth it.' But lately I've been trying this idea on for size: what if i AM worthy? What if it is okay for good things to come into my life?

There was a part of me that assumed life would be easier once i survived the grief – that I'd embrace a new life-is-short credo and let go of all my fears, gliding through life feeling the power of survival under my wings. But that didn't happen. Life still felt as difficult as ever, if not more so. But today I realised that I've reached a place where I've let go of some expectations – of what my life should be looking like by now, of what i am capable of doing, of who i could be. I'm starting to embrace what is, and that includes giving my dreams more space to breathe.

I always thought I'd be married with kids by now, that I'd be more successful by now, and more established blah blah blah. What I'm starting to grasp is that this is it – this is my life – so why not have some fun with it? View it as a malleable batch of bread dough and see what shapes i can create. Because no one else is going to do it for me, and, heck, maybe some good stuff will happen. This weekend I made a good start on my book proposal, and in doing so i drop-kicked the whiny but-who-do-i-think-i-am-to-write-a-book out of my third-floor window (if you stand on my street this evening you'll see it gasping its last breaths on the pavement before it fades away forever. Good riddance!)

My part of the deal is to work hard, be committed and have a little faith. And to make room in my life for the good stuff to flow. We are allowed to have our dreams, big and small and everything in between. Think of them like your children, to be protected and nurtured, believed in and encouraged – and when the time is right, you need only get out of their way so they can stretch their wings and fly. ______________________________________________________
My story: Blogging for twelve days straight this month was an amazing journey for me. It freed me up to be able to concentrate on the good things in my life and not dwell on somethings in my life like Colin leaving for two years! There is so much to be thankful for. I know that. I realized through blogging that I have a story to tell. Lot's of stories in fact! I have an opinion and am worthwhile! I can write and I do a pretty good job of it!

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